Summer back home

Its hard to explain a feeling that you are not even sure what it is. Im not depresses nor happy, im not sad nor ecstatic. My life feels as if its in a stand still and idk how to fix it. It has felt like this for awhile and it happens a lot when im not doing anything. I feel like there is no meaning at this point and I want to run away again. I don’t always run away physically but mentally I just go blank and feel as if Im this fucking robot going throughout the day not massing to anything life changing. Not being apart of something or making a difference is my worst fear I guess. I don’t know what I want to do with my life or where I want to live, to me its easier to drop shit and just lay back and not give a fuck… problem is that for some god forsaken reason I started caring about my actions and peoples feelings.